One study of more than 3,600 men and women from Framingham, Mass., looked at married partners who typically bottled up their feelings during a fight with their spouse. Women who “self-silenced” during marital conflict were four times as likely to die during the 10-year study period as women who always spoke their mind. (The effect wasn’t seen in men.) Whether the woman reported being in a happy marriage or an unhappy marriage didn’t change her risk.
More recently, a 10-year study of more than 71,000 people showed that those with a history of anxiety or depression before the study were about 55 percent more likely to develop high blood pressure, high cholesterol or diabetes compared to those without.
The finding was most pronounced among women with anxiety or depression who were under 50, who were nearly twice as likely to develop cardiovascular risk factors compared with any other group.
The problem is, many doctors and patients themselves lack awareness of the heart risks women face. Research also shows that fewer women than men are referred to cardiac rehabilitation programs, which can help limit the psychological stresses associated with cardiac disease, reduce the risk of associated mortality and improve cardiovascular function to help patients optimize their quality of life. In addition, women are less likely to be put on protective medications, such as cholesterol-lowering statins or beta blockers, to protect against future cardiovascular events.
Experts emphasize that lifestyle interventions are among the most effective and accessible tools for women managing both mental health and cardiovascular conditions. That includes regular exercise, improved diet and sleep patterns, as well as tools to manage stress, such as meditation and deep breathing.
To learn more, read the full report.
My wife gave me permission to look outside our sexless marriage. Bad idea?
During our live chat this week, a reader asked for advice about his sexless marriage.
It has now been over a year since we have had sex, and before then it had been a handful of times per year. With young children at home, divorce would be awful. She has given me permission to seek sex outside the marriage. I don’t know what to do.
Even though your wife has given you “permission” to seek sex outside the marriage, you probably need to have a really clear conversation about what that looks like. I’d also warn that sex is almost never “just” sex. It comes with feelings and emotions, and seeking a sexual partner outside a marriage puts you at risk for developing deeper feelings for someone other than your wife. Are you prepared for that? And what of this other person? Will you be fully transparent that you are with them for sex only — so they better not get attached?
I have interviewed people who, after accepting their sexless marriages were beyond repair, started affairs with another married person who was also in a sexless marriage. The arrangement allowed them to stay married to a partner whom they loved — and enjoy physical intimacy again with someone who wasn’t a “threat” because they had their own sexless relationship they wanted to maintain. Online dating websites make these sorts of arrangements possible.
Perhaps a better strategy is for the two of you to go to couples counseling to discuss what’s going on. Would she consider a medical work-up? There are several explanations for a why marriage becomes sexless. Some couples never had much sex in the first place. Others lost interest after having a child or one spouse had an affair. Stress takes a big toll on the sex lives of couples, as does the daily demands of juggling work and family. Fatigue is a common reason some people don’t want sex. But once a marriage has been sexless for a long time, it’s tough to rekindle, and takes work and commitment to get there. You have a young child in your life who needs both parents, so I just want to stress that you would both benefit from couples counseling. Good luck to you.
To read more questions and answers from the complete chat, click this link. Next week we’ll be talking about how to change your life with new goals and habits. Please submit your questions here.
Are greens powders good for you?
Greens powders seem really healthy. It’s the same thing as eating vegetables, right?
Greens powders, made with greens such as kale and algae, are hugely popular on social media. The big question is about the ingredients. Many of these formulas are proprietary, meaning we don’t fully know what’s in them. What we do know is that they’re heavily processed: Greens powders are at very least freeze dried, powdered and often mixed with additives and sweeteners.
Ask yourself this: Does your greens powder taste good mixed in water? You probably couldn’t stomach fresh broccoli and water. So what was added to that powder to make it tolerable to you?
Eating fresh vegetables is always going to be more beneficial than taking greens powders. And greens powders may give you a false sense of security that your diet is balanced and doesn’t require any fresh fruits and vegetables. For the record, you still do: One analysis from Consumer Lab found that at best only a fifth of the recommended adult daily intake of fruits and vegetables could be met with a daily serving of greens powders.
Keep reading for more advice on how to shop for greens powders. Our columnist is Trisha S. Pasricha, an instructor in medicine at Harvard Medical School.
Here are a few things that brought us joy this week.
- The week’s best photos. My favorite: A smiling dog in a polling booth.
- Swifties set off earthquake sensors again. These songs made the biggest stir.
- After waiting in the wings, this ‘Bridgerton’ duo is the talk of the ton
- An ‘unlucky in love’ flamingo recently laid her first egg. She’s 70.
- Even as chaos swirls, Caitlin Clark is finding joy in her rookie year
Want to know more about “joy” snacks? Our Brain Matters columnist Richard Sima explains. You can also read this story as a comic.
Please let us know how we are doing. Email me at wellbeing@washpost.com. You can also find us on TikTok.
