Photo: Liam Daniel/Netflix
Friends, readers, fellow horndogs, is anyone else having a tough time reconciling the fact that this is still the same season of Bridgerton? Like, remember the balloon accident?? That was this season! Lord Debling? He was in this season! Penelope and Colin feel worlds away from who they were arguing outside of Lady Danbury’s first ball of the season, don’t they? And so much plot has happened in this back half of season three — I am tired! But, in a good, satisfying, I need a cigarette kind of way, you know? This episode alone has so many great scenes, and I mean that they are compelling to watch and offer some huge character development, especially in regard to our main couple. Gird your loins, babes, we’re diving in.
Colin knows Penelope is Lady Whistledown. Colin knows Penelope is Lady Whistledown. We’ve been waiting for this confrontation since, well, since we found out Pen was Whistledown, and Bridgerton doesn’t shy away from letting us suffer in this moment. We’re right back to the alley where Colin finds Pen talking Whistledown to the printer and he is heartbroken. I love that they are playing this with so many emotional layers right from the jump. Colin is, obviously, so angry about the lies and about what she’s written as Whistledown, but he’s also in tears! He is so sad and later he’ll use the word humiliated, and you can see that here already. But what really breaks me is him admitting that all this time he’s felt so “undeserving” of her and that’s what’s been bothering her this whole time. Our dude was so worried that Pen had decided he wasn’t good enough for her and he’d lose her! I know he’s hurting at the moment, but goddamn if it isn’t hot to learn the so-called catch of the season has been in anguish over whether or not he’s worthy of Pen. So much of the spotlight has been on Penelope finding self-confidence this season and on her finding courage to step away from the wall, as it were, but it seems like Colin, too, has a massive amount of insecurities to figure out. Insecurity isn’t hot, but vulnerability is; I don’t make the rules.
Then Colin whispers, “I’ll never forgive you,” before walking off, and it is one thousand times more awful than if he had screamed it.
There’s no easy way out of this for anyone. When Penelope tells Eloise that Colin knows and looks to her for comfort, Eloise can’t offer it. She feels for Pen and is perhaps a little moved by Penelope’s insistence that Eloise is her truest friend, but she isn’t ready to forgive her just yet, and she doesn’t want to be in the middle of this with her brother. Penelope is on her own here. When Colin confronts Eloise about how long she knew, he finds no solace in her answers, either. He’s still in tears! This is eating him alive! Hearing that Eloise was so heartbroken by the truth and didn’t want to put Colin through that might soften his anger toward his sister, but it certainly doesn’t help him with his fiancée. “You should consider yourself uncommonly lucky you have never been in love,” he tells her as he sulks off. He is the World’s Saddest Boy.
At least there is sort of a silver lining to the whole situation: Penelope’s plan to discredit Cressida works. Eloise was right to worry that Cressida’s first Whistledown would be terrible for the Bridgertons — with Lady Cowper at the quill, relishing in taking the Bridgertons “down a peg,” the column is all about questioning the Bridgertons rushed engagements and if all of them are legitimate. It makes a splash, but it is undoubtedly much crueler and much more based on insinuation than well-fact-checked gossip. Penelope’s last-minute column, thankfully, clears everything up. She does not tolerate liars and that is all Cressida Cowper is. The Queen can see the difference between the two columns and banishes Cressida, whose father locks her away in her room until her aunt can collect her. Her mother blames this whole mess on Cressida hanging out with Eloise — which is rich, lady — and then reminds her that it’s everybody for themselves out in the world, especially between women. So, like, just some really healthy, cool vibes happening over at the Cowper house.
Penelope’s Lady Whistledown column is great for the Bridgertons in the short-term, but it does absolutely nothing to solve #Polin’s problems. Even the moms have noticed the two are hardly speaking, which makes for a fun turn since Violet is still trying to swallow the fact that she’ll be connected to Portia for the rest of her life (this running bit brings me so much joy). One thing that might warm up Colin’s frostiness is if Penelope stops publishing — but Penelope isn’t ready to call it quits on Whistledown just yet. He isn’t calling off the wedding because they had sex and he’s a “man of honor,” but still, Pen asks him, “What will this marriage be?” Yeah, Col, WHAT WILL THIS MARRIAGE BE?!
The night before the wedding, things are still sour between them. Penelope goes to see the only friend she has left, Genevieve (I love that these two entrepreneurs have bonded), who tells her that yes, she’s made mistakes, but she can’t change the past — the only way is forward. And when Pen admits that when she had decided to give up her writing she felt like she lost a part of herself, and she isn’t sure she can do that, Genevieve hits her hard with the truth: “There’s no such thing as true love without first embracing your true self.” Genevieve is so wise! It’s something Penelope has needed to hear, and if we’re being honest, here is some advice Colin could use, too.
Unfortunately, Colin doesn’t feel much like getting into his pre-marital issues (in his defense, how could he really explain what’s going on?) and is instead putting on a good face at his little stag do. On the plus side, we get a second scene of Colin, Benedict, Will, and John hanging out, which is proving to be a winning combination. After a delightfully drunk Benedict tells John to fix his Violet Bridgerton Doesn’t Think We’re In Love Enough problems by being bold and like, throwing rocks at Fran’s window or something, Colin’s left to himself to drink his problems away.
Now, wouldn’t you know, on all the empty streets of Mayfair, Colin and Penelope run into each other, both feeling a little bit toasty from their drinks, a little bit sad from their current situation, and a little bit horny from, well, look at them. This scene is just full to the brim with these two saying hard things and being vulnerable and honest — it’s just as intimate as their mirror sex scene in episode five. They are laying their feelings bare here! Coming clean! Colin throws all of Pen’s transgressions as Whistledown at her feet, and she tries to explain that she was protecting people she loved; she tries to explain that what she wrote about him this year about not knowing himself was because she missed the kind, good-hearted man she’s loved all these years. She knows that she was wrong and she knows now that should’ve just talked to him about what she was feeling, but she has only just found that kind of confidence in herself and it’s all because of Colin. When he pushes about stopping Whistledown, she still can’t make that promise. And then we get to the heart of the matter: Yes, Colin’s upset about the lies and what Whistledown has said about his family, but he’s also jealous of her success as a writer and embarrassed that he believed her when she told him his writing was any good. He’s mad she’s put herself in danger. And when she says that she can take care of herself, he spits back a “Then what good am I to you?” and we are finally seeing the extent of his insecurities. If he’s not doing something for her — protecting her, saving her, taking care of her — then what use is he? Why would someone love him?
Thank GOD they start furiously making out. They cannot help it. Pen says “Colin, I love you” to snap him out of his self-hatred and they go at it up against a door. It, unfortunately, doesn’t last very long, thanks to an interruption from someone headed down the street, but it does last long enough for me to relish on Pen’s behalf the fact that she’s nabbed herself a guy who is the perfect height to completely cover her when necessary. A highly underrated quality in a significant other.
Hey, speaking of significant others, let’s take a Benedict Break. Tilley wants to explain herself and Paul if Benedict would like to hear it, so he pays her a visit. Lady Tilley Arnold says gay rights and we love that — especially during Pride month! She impresses upon him that the world is wide, babe, and there are so many more ways to love than what the people in the ‘ton abide by, what Mayfair deems acceptable and people never question. “There is so much in society that is unnatural, but a feeling between two people, whatever their sex, is the most natural thing in the world,” she tells him. If he’s interested in pursuing something with her and Paul, that’s cool; if not, they can keep it to just the two of them. It’s a real low-pressure situation at Tilley’s. She sends him off with a reminder that her staff is very discreet, which is a fucking power move if I’ve ever seen one. Benedict has a lot to think about.
Mercifully, Colin finally finds someone to give him something to think about, some useful advice, by way of a late-night chat with his sister-in-law Kate. Anthony is there too, but he’s mostly just for show. (That’s a compliment; I love him so much.) They try not to pry too much when Colin hesitates to offer up details as to what he means when he tells them he might not actually know Pen as well as he thought he did. It’s Kate who reminds him that everyone has secrets and makes mistakes, but he’s cared about Penelope for a long time and whatever he knows now shouldn’t negate everything he loves about her. “Marriage takes hard work, but it is work that is worth it,” she tells her sad sack brother-in-law. It’s very sweet.
Kate and Anthony are so freaking cute as a happily married couple I can barely stand it. Admittedly, I’m a little bummed when, later in the episode, they decide to head off to the Sharma home in India before their baby is born. Within the show, it’s a great thing: Anthony wants his baby to know about their Sharma side, his family, their history: “And it is important for me to know it so that we can share it with our child, together,” he tells her in an effort to win husband of the year. It’s a lovely sentiment to be sure, but I will miss them if this is a way to write them out of season four.
Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, though; we have a wedding to attend. Let’s cut to the chase: Both the bride and groom do attend. Also, is Bridgerton trolling Penelope by using an instrumental version of Coldplay’s “Yellow” as the song she walks down the aisle to? Just one final reminder of her ugly ass dresses for the road. (Her light pink wedding gown is gorgeous, by the way.) The ceremony goes off without a hitch, and it almost seems like Penelope and Colin are on their way to making amends. They both seem so in love and so happy to be promising themselves to one another. Even Eloise is crying!
Okay, El’s emotions at the wedding are more complicated than happy tears. When Benedict lovingly calls her out about it at the Wedding Breakfast, she tries to brush it off as, you know, just losing another friend to marriage or, perhaps, just dust. Benedict tells her that love is not finite; there is always more room in your heart. Her friendship with Penelope is “a lucky thing,” and so is her friendship with Colin, and they aren’t simply over because they’re married now. Eloise complains about dust again. It’s all so lovely. And also I am straight-up cackling at the fact that this sweet conversation with Eloise is the catalyst for Benedict to be like, hmm yeah, I do actually want to have a threesome today. And off he goes. Listen, have all the threesomes you want, I’m just saying the circumstances around his decision making are, wow, perfection.
Things are trending up for Pen and Colin at the lavish Featherington Wedding Breakfast. Penelope even perks up the courage to ask her husband (!!) to dance. She’s tired of being up against the wall and “should like to dance with [her] husband in the light of day.” It’s not by the book, but when have Penelope and Colin ever been that? They are almost getting there, almost healing, almost back to being on each other’s side — and then the Queen rolls in.
After taking a closer look at the latest Whistledown compared to Cressida’s column, Queen Charlotte has had an epiphany: Lady Whistledown rushed to print the moment she realized Cressida might badmouth the Bridgertons — the writer must be a Bridgerton. She makes everyone who is not a Bridgerton leave the party. When Penelope goes to leave, Colin pulls her back. “You are a Bridgerton now,” he gently tells her, which is like layers. This whole scene is so good. The tension from the people who know exactly why the Queen is questioning them compared to those in the dark, Anthony promising nothing like this would go on under his nose, Francesca, bless her heart, mistakenly thinking this is about her engagement to John — it’s all almost painful to watch. The Queen lets them go for now when she gets nowhere, but promises to root out the truth.
Colin and Penelope bolt out of the room once she’s gone, which, you know, isn’t suspicious at all. Colin takes this as a clear sign that Penelope should give up the column for good, but Penelope has never been more resolute in continuing with her work. “Do you know what it is like to have nowhere in the world where you can truly be yourself? You cannot possibly know because you are not a woman,” she tells him. She is tired of hiding who she is — “I am Whistledown,” she finally says with her full chest. She is finally owning it, no matter what. And if Colin is going to love her, he needs to love all of her. He’ll sleep on the sofa, he tells her.
Things may be bleak for Pen at the moment, but at least when she bursts into tears, Eloise is finally there to comfort her. That’s nice, right? Penelope will need to hold on to something nice because it looks like things might get a little bit worse: If you counted out Cressida Cowper, you were very short-sighted. She has one last-ditch effort to save her reputation and her future — last we see of her, she is chatting up a printer’s assistant who happens to have a lot of accurate information regarding Lady Whistledown’s true identity.
• I’m sorry, did anyone else get, um, dust in their eyes during that scene between Violet and Lady Danbury when Violet tells her that her fondness for her has nothing to do with her assistance with the Queen or connections? “I am here for you, Agatha, always.” Lady Danbury is moved and so am I!
• Lady D and Marcus finally, finally make amends. He explains that he was only 10 years old when Agatha tried to escape, and he thought he was protecting her from the wild world out there. He wishes he had stood up to their father so many times, not just to prove himself that he could, but to prove to her that he was that brave. He’s always looked up to her, been in awe of her, and a little bit scared, too. She apologizes for being hard on him. She’s been terrified that he would somehow take away her joy again — but Marcus tells her she has it wrong; he wants her to be a part of any joy he finds.
• Speaking of: Violet lets Marcus know that she is definitely open to possibly “exploring” something with him once she sorts things out with Francesca. Don’t look now, but someone’s garden is blooming, baby.
• Absolutely living for the fact that the three other Featherington ladies have been slowly ditching their citrus colors all season to wear colors similar to Penelope’s new looks. Excuse me, lewks.
• Anthony’s little wave when Kate goes off to bed after their chat with Colin? Be still my ever-Kanthony-loving heart.
• “Don’t come for my cane.”
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